How To Stop Overthinking & Start Living
If you find yourself stuck in your head — replaying conversations, second-guessing decisions, or spiraling through every possible “what if” — you’re not alone. Overthinking is incredibly common, especially for folks who already experience generalized anxiety. In this post, we’ll explore how to recognize overthinking for what it really is, and how to work with it (not against it) so you can start feeling more present, grounded, and connected to your actual life.
Overthinking is a protective mechanisim
Overthinking isn’t a flaw or a personal failure — it’s a human experience. And most often, it’s our anxiety trying to protect us. Your brain is doing what it learned to do: scan for danger, predict possible outcomes, and keep you safe. Especially if you grew up in an unpredictable, high-pressure, or unsafe environment, your nervous system may have learned that constant thinking = control = safety.
When you consider all of those factors, it turns out that overthinking makes a lot of sense!
You might often find yourself saying:
“If I can just think this through enough, I won’t mess up.”
“If I replay that conversation, I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“If I worry about it now, I’ll be ready when it goes wrong.”
The intention behind the pattern is self-protection. But the cost is often disconnection — from the present moment, from your body, from joy, from action. Recognizing overthinking as an natural human response to anxiety (not a personal failure) is the first step toward softening it.
So what do we do?
Practice cognitive defusion: you are not your thoughts!
One of the hardest parts about overthinking is just how real the thoughts can feel. They aren’t just ideas floating by — they feel like truths, like warnings, like reflections of who you are. That is where Acceptance & Commitment Therapy’s (ACT) cognitive defusion skill comes in. ACT teaches a helpful tool called cognitive defusion — the practice of separating you from the thoughts you have. When you’re overthinking, your thoughts can feel loud, urgent, and like a fundamental truth. But here is the thing: they are just thoughts — not commands, not facts, and not a truth to live by. We work on pausing the overthinking process not by arguing with them or trying to make them go away, but by learning to see them as thoughts.
Here are steps to cope better and defuse those anxious, overthinking, annoying thoughts!
First label the thought: Notice you are having the thought “I’m going to fail.” When you hear that self-talk, try instead re-stating “I’m having the thought that I might fail.”
Visualize the thought as a cloud floating by, or a leaf floating downstream — you can observe it and let it pass by.
Speak the thought in a silly voice or sing it to a familiar tune — it helps reduce its power.
The goal of defusion isn’t to get rid of thoughts, but to loosen their grip. When you can say, “Oh hey, there’s my anxiety-brain again,” it creates just enough space to ask, “What do I want to do next, even with this thought still here?”
The goal is to seperate yourself from your thoughts. To remind yourself YOU are NOT your thoughts. To be able to acknowledge anxious thinking and move through it anyways.
2. Practice mindfulness & grounding exercises
Mindfulness helps you shift out of thinking and back into being. It’s the practice of noticing what’s here — without judgment and without trying to change it. For overthinkers, mindfulness is like a gentle anchor that says, you can be here, now, even if things feel uncertain.
Simple mindfulness practices to try:
Grounding in the body: Feel your feet on the floor. Place a hand on your chest or belly. Stretch.
Sensory awareness: Notice 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you feel, 2 you smell, 1 you taste.
Breath awareness: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4 (box breathing).
You don’t have to sit on a cushion for an hour to practice mindfulness. It can be as small as pausing to take one intentional breath. Every time you come back to the present, you reclaim a little more freedom from the noise of overthinking.
3. Get curious about what anxiety is needing from you
Overthinking can often be a sign of generalized anxiety. When overthinking occurs, we often have frustration and shame towards feeling stuck in our heads again. This makes it a really good time to slow down and get curious. If over thinking is a symptom of anxiety, it’s worth asking what is anxiety trying to tell you? What does this anxious part of you need from you? This small shift — from “Why am I like this?” to “What does this part of me need?” — can be deeply regulating. You go from battling your mind to building relationship with anxiety. And when your anxious part feels seen, it doesn’t have to scream as loudly to get your attention.
Final Thoughts: Overthinking isn’t you! And it gets better.
Overthinking doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means your nervous system has been doing its best to protect you — often for a very long time. But you deserve to feel more than just “safe.” You deserve to feel alive, connected, and grounded in your life. You deserve to be able to live with your thoughts, not be fighting against them.
With gentle awareness, some new tools, and a whole lot of self-compassion, you can begin to shift out of overthinking and into something more expansive. You don’t have to get rid of every anxious thought. You just have to remember that you’re allowed to live alongside them. That your thoughts are just thoughts.
Gain More Support from a Queer & Trans Therapist
If you're queer, or trans or just navigating overthinking in a world that hasn't always made space for you, your anxiety might be doing even more heavy lifting. It makes sense if you're always scanning for safety or security — many of us have had to.
But you deserve more than survival. You deserve to feel grounded in yourself and your choices — even in the messiness of life.
I’m a queer and trans therapist based in Colorado, and I specialize in supporting LGBTQ folks in untangling these patterns, coming back to their bodies, and learning how to live more freely and fully. Whether you're in Denver, Boulder, or elsewhere in Colorado, I'm here to help you reconnect with your values and start living from a place of authenticity — not fear.
If you're ready to stop overthinking and start living, let’s connect.
