Coming out: things to consider from a queer & trans therapist

Coming out is often represented and framed as a single moment. Yet, it is a personal, ongoing process, that is by no means linear! As a queer, gender affirming therapist, I’ve had many conversations about coming out with clients, friends, and in my own life. There is no roadmap or textbook to coming out, but there are some considerations that can support you in navigating coming out with intention and care. 

Things To Consider When Coming Out

1. Safety! 

More than ever, it can feel like an overwhelming, and at times a scary place, for LGBTQ+ folks. This can really play into how, when, and if(!), you decide to come out. Safety isn’t just about physical safety, it is emotional security, finanical stability, and having a solid support system in place. Some questions that might help you reflect are: 

• How might this person, or group react? 

• Could coming out impact my housing, job, access to resources? 

• What support systems do I have in place if needed?

And remember, there is no timeline or requirement to come out.

2. Timing?

There’s no perfect moment to come out. Some people feel ready early in life, while others don’t come out until later - or choose not to at all. And that’s valid! If you’re thinking about coming out, consider:

• What would coming out mean to me at this time?

• Are there external stressors (school, work, family issues) that might impact the ‘right’ timing?

• Are there other queer, trans, and LGBTQ+ people in my life to support me?
  

3. Relationships: Who, When, and How

Not everyone needs to know at the same time—or at all. You get to decide who is part of this journey. Some questions to consider:

• Who in my life is supportive? Can I start with them?

• How do I want to communicate this—face-to-face, a letter, a text, a social media post?

• Do I have people to reach out to if I need additional support? Do I want someone present with me if I share face-to-face (therapist, friend, partner)?
  
  

4. Finding Support & Resources

Coming out is often easier when you have a community. Whether it’s friends, chosen family, or online spaces, having people who affirm you is so so important. Some helpful resources:

• The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org) – Crisis support for LGBTQ+ youth

• PFLAG (www.pflag.org) – Support for LGBTQ+ individuals and their families

• Local LGBTQ+ Centers – Many cities have community centers with resources and support groups

• Online Communities – Reddit, Discord, and Facebook groups can connect you with others who share similar experiences

• Find a queer, transgender, nonbinary, LGBTQ, gender-affirming, and trauma-informed therapist!

No matter where you are in this journey, you are valid. You are not alone. If you’re navigating this process and need support, I’m here. Feel free to reach out or connect with resources that feel right for you. 🏳️‍🌈